Friday, December 23, 2011

Jessica's Super Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide


Now, I am not too sure it is gonna happen, but I like to be prepared. I like to plan ahead and have a list. For this event, I think it is a good idea to have a list because you know there will be tons of idiots out there who will think, " pshhh, I got this in the bag. Come and get me, zombies!! You want a piece of this!? I said, you you want a piece of- aaahhhhhh!!!!!" Yea. And the worst part is, you probably know one of those people. Well, unless you want to see them eaten, you should give this article a look.
# 1- Safe location:
- At first, people will be running around everywhere as well as zombies. So, for at least the first month or two, you should find a good place to hide. Some places you probably don't want to go are malls, hospitals (dude, really), airports, stadiums, and other crowded places. The reason for this is (A. it is easier for the infection to spread this way (B. food will be stretched (C. at some point, you will all begin to hate one another (if you don't understand, think about when you go shopping on black Friday or any other time right before the holidays, Forget the fact that you are all in the same boat, nobody cares. You will hate each other.) Some good places to go are schools, churches, wal-mart, or Bass Pro Shop.
# 2- Quick supplies:
- By this I mean that when you fist start to notice that people are becoming zombies, you will need to get supplies on the way to your safe location. And I mean supplies. Not TV's, iPods, computers, or other useless expensive stuff like that. The most useful thing like that that you can get is a radio to catch up on other survivors. If you are being chased while on your way to the safe place, you will want to stop by a gun or weapon store first. Those will be useful at that very moment which will help you get the needed food and medicine. And for you goody goods out there, don't worry about the ticked off store owner, if he isn't already a zombie. Just get the stuff and go.
# 3- Important People:
- There will, if they are smart, will want to go with you to be safe. With this category, I am not trying to be rude, but at this point I doubt it matters. You will want to take your family with you. This is key. Keep your family close because once there are no people left in the world, you will miss people. But you will not only need your family. Bring a priest or bishop with you. If you know one personally, you are set! Good job! Also, bring any ARMY, NAVY, or MARINE people that you can find. These will be helpful for some obvious reasons. Here are some people you should really NOT bring with you: that one crazy workaholic (male or female) that won't listen to anyone, that power hungry/ trigger happy, those teenagers who whine, that scholar who thinks he knows exactly what he is doing, or that guy who just cant seem to accept that his friend or family member is now a zombie (he most likely will, by an amazing stroke of misfortune, see that friend or family member right outside of your safe place and get turned into a zombie then come and attach you with a bunch of other zombies) Trust me. I am a professional.
# 4- Things NOT to do:
- This is very, very, very, very important. The slightest nincompoop move will kill you or partially kill you. I am just gonna give it to ya strait. Do not: turn into a zombie, split up ( this NEVER works! Remember, only the hero survives in this situation), get into too big of a group (too much people will slow you down when you are running), hug a friend with missing limbs or organs, shoot anyone without confirming they are a zombie first, play the song Thriller.
# 5- Other places to get tips:
- the 17 indisputable laws of teamwork by Johan C. Maxwell
- the movie Zombieland

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